3 Reasons Why Congratulating Weight Loss Can Be Harmful

(4 minute read)

Wow, you look amazing! How did you lose all that weight?

Comments on weight loss, diet talk and judgement on other people’s bodies have become such a common and normal topic of discussion. It boggles my mind how often at family functions, work or even at the dog park discussions surrounding weight loss, someone else’s body or dieting comes up.

When did appearance become so much more important than someone’s character or actions as a human being?

My experience

I first experienced comments of:

• How did you lose all that weight?

• You look amazing, how much weight have you lost? or

• You eat whatever you want, when you want? But how do you stay looking like that?

After I was hit by a car and underwent spinal surgery. I lost eight in hospital and coming out I was congratulated for this. My weight or weight loss should definitely not have come onto anyone’s radar. The fact that I was alive, the fact that I had a working body should have been the main and only focus.

This congratulation set me up for failure as I gained a large amount of weight in my recovery. I underwent a second spinal surgery and couldn’t exercise during this period. My body was incredible in it’s ability to heal, I was alive and walking, but instead of focusing on the incredible feats my body had achieved it was clouded by weight gain. I was no longer receiving attention or congratulations but rather worry and concern for my health. I felt like my body had failed me, my body was broken because I was no longer thin, so this meant my body was bad right?

We need to stop congratulating weight loss, I will outline three main reasons below.

1.       It perpetuates weight stigma

Diet culture has cultivated the idea that thinness is good and fat is bad. Congratulating weight loss tells someone that their body before was ‘bad’ and their body now is ‘good.’ The fact you’ve noticed their weight loss reinforces the idea that our bodies are always being judged by others and that your body is not your own.

Since over 90% of diets fail, this weight loss is usually short lived and sets the person up for feelings of ‘failure,’ shame and guilt as they regain the weight. Commenting on weight loss can increase fear of weight gain due to the glorification of thinner bodies and judgement of larger bodies.

Weight cycling due to diet failures and knowing your body is always being judged can create fear of being fat. That to be loved and accepted in society you must have a smaller body. The issue here is that body size is largely determined by genetics and out of your control. Perpetuating the concept that smaller bodies are better bodies marginalises those who are not genetically pre-disposed to having a smaller body. This means, those in larger bodies must fight their genetics to achieve what society considers the ‘ideal body,’ so that they can feel accepted and be deemed healthy.

Fear of fatness is so much more than an aesthetic predicament. It is based on the idea that if one is not thin they are unlovable, they are a failure and they can be subjected to judgement and abuse because of their size. Society has deemed that a larger body automatically equates an unhealthy body which is factually incorrect.

Complimenting someone’s weight loss may seem like a positive and harmless action but this is just perpetuating weight stigma and glorification of thinness.

2.       Weight loss isn’t always intentional or positive

As seen in my experience of weight loss above, when you compliment someone’s weight loss do you really know what you are complimenting?

For me, complimenting my weight loss was not a positive, as my weight loss was a result of nearly losing my life.

A common side effect of grief, depression or someone going through a difficult period of their life is loss of appetite. This is due to the fight, flight, freeze response. When you compliment that person on their weight loss, it could be triggering and quite upsetting. They didn’t lose the weight by choice but through hardship and you are reminding them of that difficult time.

Another more serious consequence of complimenting weight loss is surrounding eating disorders (ED) and disordered eating. Complimenting someone with an ED for weight loss reinforces their ED, it tells them that they aren’t small enough yet, they aren’t good enough yet and can trigger further and more severe behaviours to achieve an even smaller body.

You may not have ill intentions in complimenting someone for weight loss but judging and commenting on someone’s else’s body can have serious consequences.

3.       It objectifies someone for their body

Not everyone wants to be complimented, not everyone wants their body to be noticed or judged.

It can be quite a distressing and difficult experience for survivors of sexual abuse and trauma to go through the experience of having their bodies noticed, spoken about and judged. For some survivors, especially those who have lived in larger bodies, after partaking in better self-care and healing behaviors they can lose large amounts of weight. Comments on their body can be very confronting and triggering.

Through their experiences they have been made to believe their body isn’t their own, that it is only here for others pleasure and commenting on their weight loss or body only reinforces this concept.

Why are we so obsessed with other people’s bodies?

Why do we care so much what other peoples bodies look like? When did it become so entrenched into society that our aesthetics are so important it’s worth potentially harming ourselves to achieve thinness?

Our bodies are supposed to fluctuate and change size. You aren’t supposed to stay one size forever. This idea that you must be thin all the time is setting everyone up for failure. The idea that thinness is better than fatness is harmful. it does not account for genetic variability.

As humans we are more than just our physical appearance.

If you want to compliment someone, compliment them on their values, the fact that they are a good friend, intelligent, kind or are meaningful to you.

Let’s start changing the narrative that thinness is healthier, better or the ideal and start celebrating all shapes and sizes. Let’s celebrate individuals for their impact on the world and what they have to offer as a human being.

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